Mothers who breastfeed throughout pregnancy are taking advantage of a wonderful way to sustain a loving, nourishing connection with their children. However, sometimes nursing during pregnancy brings extra challenges such as physical sensitivity or emotional intensity. You don’t have to wean if you don’t want to. Instead, try a moment-by-moment approach to communicating successfully with your child.
Build a Foundation
In a respectful nursing relationship, you can easily decline requests. Make sure the basis of your relationship is strong. First, learn what to expect when nursing while pregnant. Prepare to expand your toddler’s environment to offer support from multiple sources, beyond mama’s milk. Educate yourself about ways to make nursing sessions more comfortable for you, both physically and emotionally.
Once you have checked in with yourself, once, twice, three times, and are confident that now is not a good time for you to nurse your toddler, try these techniques to sustain a loving connection.
Say Yes
You can say yes to a nursing session even if it’s not right now. The fact is that all you know for sure is that you don’t feel ready to nurse now. You don’t know exactly when you will feel ready again.
Although present-day culture puts much value on measuring out time and accustoming kids to gaining security from doing the same, a moment-by-moment approach is possible. You can respond to a nursing request with, “I love to nurse you, and I’ll let you know when I’m ready,” or “I love to nurse you when it feels good. I’ll let you know when I’m ready.” Then turn your focus to what is possible right now.
Children can learn so much about moment-to-moment awareness of their own feelings by seeing you handle your own successfully.
Focus on the “Can”
Have you noticed that your child doesn’t love hearing “no”? Who does? First, try focusing on what is possible.
- You can have this milk. (Offer other milk.)
- We can snuggle.
- We can have a snack.
Invite Your Child to Connect
If you’re nursing during pregnancy, you’ve become a champion breastfeeder! As wonderful as breastfeeding is, it’s not the solution for every challenge. It may take a little practice to realize how many other forms of connection there are.
In asking for a nursing session, your child is requesting closeness with you. If you say no and go off to do the laundry, you may create a sense within your child that she can’t get what she needs. Declining the request and offering another form of connection will help her understand how large and abundant her universe is.
Realize how many other ways there are to invite your child to connect with you physically and emotionally:
- Let's dance.
- Do you want to take a walk with me?
- How about popping bubbles?
- I'm going to sort the laundry. Want to help?
- I'm hungry. Let's have a snack.
- Want to pick out a book?
The Direct No
Although focusing on the positive yields wonderful results, sometimes you may sense that your child needs to hear a direct no from you. This may be especially true if you have been offering other solutions with the underlying attitude or feeling that you’re not doing enough for your child, that you’re unhappy or unsure in your present situation. If that’s the case, follow your instincts.
Your toddler may greet the “no” with a degree of relief because of its simplicity and authenticity. “No” is not a bad word, and it can be used as a springboard to move your focus onto more positive things.
There’s nothing wrong with feeling unable to nurse in a particular moment. Remember this: your breastfeeding relationship is just like the process of labor. You’ll get the best results from tuning into your instincts and following them. By building on the positive aspects of your breastfeeding relationship, you can keep the focus where you want it – on love and connection.
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